I F(28) broke up with my fiance after 11 years because I found out he was doing drugs without my knowledge for a year and a half before the breakup.
This all came out about 4 months ago, and now I'm dealing with the true aftermath of it all. I'm sad because I genuinely think he was a good person who just got himself into a bit of a mess, and my brain is constantly trying to comprehend that the person who did the good things for me is also the person who did the bad things. More lies came out surrounding the drug use, things about money and other personal matters that I just couldn't forgive.
Now, I'm having to look into moving out of my home because I can't afford it on my own. Potentially having to move in with one of my parents, working out what works best for my cat and the best solution that is the lowest stress for him. My dad's is close to my work and would allow me to save money so quickly, but he's got young kids and there's a risk of him (my cat) getting out the house constantly. My mum's is further away, and I don't drive yet, but it's just her – meaning he'd have a quiet home but potentially without me for a while – which absolutely breaks me up even thinking about.
I asked for a 1:1 with my boss and talking about an increase in my salary, which I can have. That was absolutely terrifying but I'm so glad I did it. Have my driving test soon, so should hopefully be able to get a car in the near future. Started therapy last week, it really helped to get everything off my chest and speak to someone who doesn't know either of us about how I feel about it all. Having to deal with giving the flat back, sorting the cleaning, the packing, any repairs before the landlord comes to do the handover. Worrying about money because it's only one salary now vs. two which I'll just need to deal with until my increase or I move out.
I'm so angry with him, because I feel like although it was my decision (he didn't want us to break up) I've been left with all the broken pieces to pull back together due to his stupid decisions.
I'm absolutely exhausted all the time, I just want to go to bed – but I'm still alive and kicking and trying to move forward as best as I can.
Sorry if this is a bit ranty, just wanted to get it off my chest.
Girl dinner: fibre one bar and a cappuccino (desk breakfast)