I [29f] and my best friend [28f] have been friends for almost 10 years. We met freshman year of college and have been good friends since. For some context, our friendship has kind of waxed and waned over the years. There were times when we were super close, and times where we weren’t. There were several times throughout college when she chose other people over me. She would start hanging out with other people more than me, and would come back to me when they annoyed her. This happened a lot.
I also struggled making friends so she was the only one I was ever close with, but she never roomed with me. She always chose to room with other people and I ended up having to room with strangers every year. I ended up with some terrible rooming situations because of this. I once broke a lease early and ended up in debt because of how bad the rooming situation was.
We did eventually live together for a year after we graduated, and she sometimes brought home guys that would stay for several days without asking me.
I moved away for work in fall of 2021 after our lease was up and we barely spoke for the year I lived out of town.
When I came back the next year we reconnected and have been close ever since.
She was the maid of honour in my wedding and she was the best maid of honour I could ask for.
Anyways, she got married in June and I wasn’t in her wedding. In fact, I wasn’t involved in anything at all. I barely know her husband, as I’ve only seen him twice in passing. As soon as I started dating my now husband, I introduced him to her and we all hung out a few times because it was really important to me for her to know him.
They were together for only a year before they got engaged, and got married only two months later. A super rushed wedding. Throughout the year they were together, she expressed her doubts and insecurities about the relationship multiple times. They also broke up at one point. Both of her younger siblings got married before her so there’s a part of me that thinks she rushed because she felt insecure. She didn’t even want a wedding, she wanted to elope but her husband and family pressured her into having a wedding.
I found out I wasn’t going to be in her wedding when I asked her what I should wear. She told me what her bridesmaids were wearing and told me what her wedding colours were. She never had a conversation with me about it. I wasn’t involved with the wedding at all. I later found out that she just wanted family as bridesmaids because she “didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings”. If she had told me she just wanted family in her bridal party, I would’ve completely understood, but she never told me this and clearly she wasn’t concerned about hurting my feelings. Since I wasn’t in her bridal party, I was hoping she would involve me in some small way. I could’ve helped her find her dress, helped her plan, read a Bible verse, sang a song (i’m a professional singer), gotten ready with her and her bridesmaids, helped set up, anything. But I was left out completely. For the reception she assigned me a table that was outside in the heat. I had to watch her first dance and cake cutting through a window.
I felt so sad and so left out, I left halfway through the reception. I told her that my husband, who was sick at home, wasn’t doing well and needed me to come home. Not a complete lie, but he didn’t need me to come home. I later found out that she had asked other friends to sing songs at the reception.
I didn’t talk to her about it because I didn’t want to ruin her day and I haven’t spoken to her about it since the wedding because I didn’t want to ruin her honeymoon. I want to talk to her about how I feel but don’t know if it’s even worth it. She did text me after and thank me for coming and said I was a very calming presence and was grateful that I was there.
Dinner was garlic soup I made from scratch.
Edit bc omg hello everyone: i want to make it VERY clear that it was her wedding and she had every right to do whatever she wanted. i just wish she had communicated with me that the bridal party was family only. i also offered to help her multiple times and was turned down each time.
her wedding was, and should have been about her. i just wish i had been involved in some tiny way, even if just being the scenes.