Falafels
——
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I was very career-focused in my 20s, so marriage was never really an option then. I’m now in my mid 30s and ended up marrying my partner (M) about 2–3 years ago. We're from different countries, so it made our lives easier. Lately, though, I've been wondering if it was a mistake.
I’m the primary breadwinner: I pay for the house, the car, vacations, most of things. I never expected everything to be split 50/50. Although, if our roles were reversed, I'd try to make up the difference by taking initiatives, doing chores, being attentive, and such (especially since his schedule is a lot less demanding). Instead, I still do most chores or pay someone when I need rest. I'm not opposed to having children, but I struggle to imagine having one with him. It feels like I'd simply be adding more to my list of responsibilities.
He grew up kind of sheltered, so I've teached him many little things: car stuff, simple home repairs, and so on. I don't expect anyone to know everything, but it's exhausting to not have anyone to lean on. At this point, I feel more like the husband than the wife, and it sucks. I work hard in a male-dominated field, so I'd love to come home and feel womanly and being taken cared of a little. Something happened recently one night and it made me wonder if he would actually protect me in the event of an emergency.
Now the petty part: he’s become increasingly lazy. He's gained weight, his fitness is poor, and he doesn't “try” much. I've tried encouraging him and finding activities he'd enjoy to lift him up. He has a family history of health problems related to obesity and unhealthy lifestyle, yet he makes little effort to change. It’s upsetting because I believe in making efforts for the person you share your life with. I take care of my health, dress up, and keep learning new things because I want to be attractive and interesting.
He's become increasingly inattentive. He's always been someone who gets distracted by his phone (we all have our moments) but over the past year it’s become insane. He also knows I had issues with a stalker in the past, yet I have to ask him to consider checking on me if I’m not back within a couple hours when I go for late night runs.
Our sex life isn't great either. On the rare occasions he initiates, it's usually at the worst possible time—like after I just finished a brutal 72-hours call. And sure, making love can be nice but sometimes a girl just needs a good fuck or being manhandled a little…
I'm doing my best to give him a fair chance and to work things through: he is a good person, kind, open-minded, intelligent and he would never ever physically hurt me. It just feels like he would be better as friend than as a husband. If nothing changes, I'll have to seriously consider leaving. I respect him and care enough to be honest with him but I still dread hurting him that way.