Tw: cancer, death, child loss, abortion, depression
Food: Soyabean curry and rice
I am 24. My dad died recently (mom died when I was ten) and I am got some family tea from relatives.
I knew my dad wanted a boy so bad but I was his first born unfortunately. He made it apparent how much he wished I was a boy when I was a kid.
Got to know that when I was six mom became pregnant again but soon after that she got diagnosed with cancer and had to start operation and chemo.
So they had to abort the fetus to go ahead with the treatment. After aborting they got to know it was a boy. Mom was 4 months pregnant.
I am glad that fetus was aborted because now if he was alive I would have to take sole responsibility for him. I can't even take care of myself financially and psychologically. Thank god there is no extra stomach to feed.
I just wish instead of me, their firstborn was a boy. Then they wouldn't have to try again and go through the loss that devastated then mentally.
My father especially would have been metter of emotionally with a boy by his side. Girls are burden. They are just not enough for him. I rose his anxiety not his confidence in life apparently.
Funnily enough, dad was ill as soon as I turned 18. I took care of him solely for 6 years, sacrificing my healthy and career.
Well now he is dead. And here I am. Miserable. Lonely. Fucked.