Photo: tofu curry, spicy cabbage and vegan crack
I'm new to dating, I have almost no experience and I'm trying to connect with people for the first time. I'm 22 and don't really have friends, never a partner et et.
I am also mute, so I can't talk and I have this on my dating profile, but people usually ignore it or don't know what that means, which I understand. I'm so so sensitive about my mutism, it feels so juvenile and shameful to me. I know logically, feeling ashamed and actually having something to be ashamed about are two distinct things, but emotions are rarely logical right.
I really struggle chatting to people on these apps, and so many people ghost me.. it's definitely on me. I take a long time to reply, I get really in my head about what to say or when to say it, just like I do in person. I don't have the practice I guess, and I'm not much of a 'catch'. I was in hospital for my mental health last year (sectioned) and I'm out of work but I keep busy, and I have a (small) income and good savings from when I did work before I lost my mind lol. I'm no mooch is what I'm trying to say.
I've been chatting to this woman, and I really want it to go somewhere as she's just so beautiful and sweet and brilliant and is so like me with how much we love animals. But I struggle because there's only so much you can say about one topic, and I get so afraid to bring up things that interest me in case she doesn't find them interesting herself. I just don't want to spoil it.
One thing I love is pottery, and I want to make her a small handbuilt earthenware rabbit (well two, as she has two herself, as do I!) to give to her if we ever meet, but is this way too forward? I don't really know what's appropriate, I don't want to scare her off. And I want to do this, to make up for being such a bad texter. I just want to say I'm sorry without saying it, again. I feel like such a burden I don't know why anyone even gives me any attention at all.
I'm so alone and I don't want to be anymore.