TW: mention of loss, grief.
My dinner: a mocha-filled bread and hokkaido pudding (didn’t take picture of it)
Hi, I have just lost my grandmother in the 19th, she’s been there all my life. She passed away at 1AM, and around the same time my BF had just got off work and had been asleep around 12AM. So, when I gave him the news, he had only received them around 5AM and wrote back to me around the same time. He’s been nice and empathetic.
He had to go to work, I understand. I didn’t make a fuss about it, as I didn’t make a fuss about any other thing because I’m still trying to process this loss even now.
She was buried around 11PM. He was at work still, and went to visit me right away once he got off work at 6PM. He stayed with me, comforted me, allowed me to cry because I wasn’t able to cry ALL DAY. So I was sobbing.
Then after 3-4 hours, he asked if it was okay for him to watch the World Cup with his friends. I said, okay. Because I really didn’t have the energy to argue otherwise, at the same time I felt….. abandoned, kind of? Because I want him to stay. But my distant relatives came to stay so… I told him it’s okay as I won’t be alone atm. He asked again if it was really okay and will I be okay, and I said yes.
He left, told me to get some rest, which I did after crying until late at night without him knowing. He texted me his whereabouts and everything to keep me updated. And now, it’s 3PM in afternoon, I took my work leave, and is expecting him to see me but….. he’s still at his friend’s place. I feel….. sad, he knew my grandmother and they were on good terms, he knew how close I am to my grandmother, so….. why?
I’m still processing everything, I worry that my grief is affecting my feelings, and if I said something, I worry that I will say things I regret. But at the same time, I feel really sad.
I mean, yes, I did OK‘d his request. But…. I can’t help but feel the way I do. Honestly, I don’t know. I’m still really overwhelmed with my emotions right now.