I met my (31f) boyfriend (41m), now the father of my twin daughters back in 2019 through Tinder. The beginning of our relationship, looking back he definitely loved bombed the hell out of me! I was in such a horrible place in my life at that time, young 24 year old just trying to figure out my life and it seemed like he came (at that time) at the right time to turn my life around. Looking back there were A LOT of red flags that I turned a blind eye too. A lot of red flags that family and friends told me that I needed to leave, but I quickly fell “in love”fast forward to 2021, I gave birth to my daughters. My pregnancy was extremely difficult and without any family (because by now he is a full blown narcissist who has pushed everyone away from me/secluded me from everyone), I was alone. After I delivered my daughters, again with zero help and him being a full blown abusive alcohol, I started to turn my attention to a neighbour in my condo complex. He was a much older gentleman, very kind to me and I knew he had some sort of crush on me and at the time I enjoyed the attention. I was smiling and laughing, I felt like I could be happy even for that short moment of interaction while I had a few minutes to myself while I got some fresh air when their father was home.
Months go by and I end up getting really drunk because by then the way I was being treated just got worse and my post partum got extremely bad and I just was not myself and the amount of times he would break up with me and threaten to make me homeless just put me over the edge. I ended up running into that man we got intimate with each other. I don’t remember much because I was beyond wasted.
Fast forward to now (2026), I woke up early in the morning to find that he was not in the house. I checked my phone and saw a bunch of texts and emails from him. So what happened was that I guess back in 2021 when I slept with that guy (ended up becoming friends), he took a video on my phone and saved it in my hidden album. Since I was beyond drunk, I didn’t even realize that I ever had that video and he never mentioned it to me either. So my boyfriend (soon to be ex) decided while I was sleeping to go through my phone randomly (we have the same password and I don’t have anything to hide on my phone) but he said he did it because our daughters needed a password that was in my phone (lie). Anyways, he saw the video and decided to send it to multiple people in my contact and also impersonated me to make it seem like I was having the conversation. I have already spoken with the people that I know have seen the video (extremely graphic btw, he sent me the video before deleting it), but god knows who else has the video. My anxiety is beyond through the roof as you can imagine.
Now he is acting like nothing is wrong. He has “forgiven me” for what I did and even blamed himself for being such a shitty person. He begs to stay with me and is starting to love bomb me again, but I am just so done. I cannot move past what he did. Yes I know what I did was wrong, but what he did was beyond disgusting.
I just got off the phone with a social worker who said to me “this is me talking to you not as a social worker, but as a person, you need to leave and I don’t know how you are even with him still”.
Once I get my kids in school (Sept) and I can go back to work (SAHM), I am leaving!