Author: acrylic-hippo

Food: chipotle ranch salad, emotional support water, and a hawaiian alani. I also had a veggie pizza but i forgot to take a picture of that!

Last week i was told at an appointment i have a very very short period of time to concieve and have a baby. I wasnt expecting this news at all, and i dont have any kids already, so i was super freaked out. I didnt really think to have any questions in the moment, i think i blacked out a little bit. I pretty much just ran out of the office and went home to tell my husband. Ofc because he’s amazing (and after a very brief panic) he got on board and agreed with trying ASAP. He’s been so supportive, but both of us are really nervous and have so many questions.

The earliest my OB could get us back in is in 9 days. So i’ve had all these questions rolling around in the back of my head for a week already, and now i have another one to go before i can get any answers. I’m still on my birth control (the implant) which i’ll need to get removed. I also had a medication that isnt safe to concieve on administered a few weeks ago (also for reproductive issues), so that doesnt run out until the day after my appointment.

So basically i’m stuck right now. Like i know i have this giant thing coming up, but there isnt anything i can do to prepare other than wait. I’ve yapped to pretty much everyone i’m close with about it, and i’m trying not to burn anyone out. I HATE not being able to prepare for things. Its like a teacher is telling me i have this giant paper due thats worth half my grade, but is refusing to give me the rubric until the week of. Maybe thats not a problem for other people and i’m just really high strung, but thats like a nightmare situation for me. I always have to have some type of plan for anything i do, and this is driving me crazy. I know concieving itself is going to be the same way with the waiting and tracking ovulation then waiting for the pregnancy test, then if i’m really lucky waiting for the first trimester to be over so i can tell people. Its a giant game of waiting around and i can already tell i’m not gonna be good at it at all.

I’m also in this cycle of nervous excitement. Like i’m really nervous about even being pregnant to begin with. I never thought i’d be stable enough to have kids but now i am. I worried so much that i’d give my kids the same trauma i had growing up that i didnt let myself think about that possibility until i did a lot of therapy and processing. So even wanting kids is new-ish, much less actually having one. My family also has a terrible success rate. My grandmother was pregnant 9 times and only had 2 kids, so thats there. I know if i start thinking about nurseries and baby showers and names and then it doesnt work out i’ll be absolutely crushed.

On the other hand, i want to be excited because it takes away some of the fears. So i do think about all of those things. If i’m excited about it i dont have to worry about if i’m going to feel totally ready or how much this will effect me, because it will be worth it. But then i just get scared that it wont happen and i have to shut it down before i get too excited again. I dont have that long to try and its impossible to know if it will stick or make it to term. Its a really shitty cycle and i dont think theres an end to it. I’m just trying to stay as busy as possible.

Thank you for letting me vent. I just had to get it all out to people who don’t know me. I hope the anxiety slows down a little soon. I see my therapist tomorrow too, but he’s not really expecting to be hit with all of this 😅.

\*reposted because my post was removed because the picture of my food sucked\*

Food: my second caffinated beverage of the day and leftover cottage cheese alfredo penne w/spinach. This is also my breakfast because i’m stressed af.

I (27F) found out earlier this year i have multiple fibroids. After 3 months of literally bleeding out, we finally got them under control with a medication that shrinks them by putting me in chemical menopause. I just went back to the doctor for my recent ultrasound review and he said at this point he wouldnt be able to do surgery without causing significant damage. He recommends that if I want a baby that I need to try sooner rather than later, he’d recommend now. Mostly because they will grow back and i’ll need a more invasive proceedure and possibly a hysterectomy in the future, especially if i start bleeding like that again.

The problem is i have to make a lot of life-altering choices really fast. My husband and i have decided we really do want a kid, that isnt an issue.

First issue: We never had a wedding (we had a courthouse wedding when I got re-stationed while i was in the military) and we were planning on finally having one November 2027. We havent paid for anything yet thankfully, but we have to decide if thats something we still are going to do. I dont want to have a wedding while i’m pregnant. We could push it off, but i doubt we’ll want to have a wedding with a newborn, and by the time the kid is older, we’ll probably be past the point of it being worth it. We can move it up, but thats a lot to do really fast. None of the 3 are good choices and we need to decide like now. If we choose to go through with the wedding and wait, we risk losing our chances to have a baby entirely. But, its only 15 months away so it could be fine and we cancelled for no reason.

Second issue: I start my master’s studies literally next month. The original plan was to get pregnant around graduation. Now, if i were to get pregnant, i’d likely have to take a year break. The classes are on a strict curriculum, so if i miss too much i’ll have to take the whole year off. Obviously i can pick up where i left off, but thats still a year gap. Idk if its better to push through and hope for the best, or put off my school and focus on a baby.

Idk what to do. My husband is incredibly supportive of whatever i decide, which is very sweet but not helpful in actually making a decision on my own. I’m scared i might ruin everything just to not have a successful pregnancy anyways. I’m also scared about choosing to have the baby and regretting missing out on the other things. Obviously i’d get over it, but it would still suck.

My original plan was so simple! It was \\\[Leave military > go to school & wedding > baby > go back to work\\\]. I wish my body didnt fuck it up.