This weekend, I opened up to my fiancé and told him things about my childhood that I’ve never talked about. It was hard to re live and it just reminded me that I’m the black sheep of the family and it has been heavy on my mind. When I moved out of state, it got more lonely. No one reached out. I live in a big city and My dad and his new family come into town all the time and I’m never aware of it. They could be in town right now and I would have no idea. A lot of my family is the reason I have body image issues because I was constantly put down as a child. I was never allowed to be vulnerable. My dad was an alcoholic. I never fit in with my own family because I was the quiet anxious kid. But despite all this, I spent so long trying to be validated and seen. I just wanted them to love me. This weekend, I realized enough is enough. As painful as it is, I can’t keep forcing a relationship that won’t happen. I was supposed to go to a family reunion next weekend but the idea of feeling SO out of place is just too much for me.