Pictured: That star pasta with cherry tomatoes, basil seasoning, balsamic glaze, and mozzarella pearls! Caprese pasta basically haha. Tried to use stars to entice my kids. They were totally unphased lmao.
Anyway, during COVID, my husband and I- freshly married, literally got married in October, 2019- decided to move out to the Midwest. I’m originally from California, but I just am not a Los Angeles girl. I think I love California to visit, but I prefer a slower lifestyle with a lot more focus on people and family. Everyone I knew was centric to hustle culture, my brother included.
I love where I live, but I am suddenly PAINFULLY awkward. I’ve always talked a little too much. Thank God, my in-laws are the nicest people in God’s green Earth, so I have a support circle with incredible people. My mom and dad also followed me out here. I’m a nerd, I’ve grown up playing video games, got a degree in game programming, played YuGiOh, the whole nine yards man.
I cannot stop putting my foot in my mouth.
I had an Unnus Annus sweater that I adore wearing. Literally the coolest sweater. Those in the know geek out when they see it. For those who don’t know, it’s meant to mean “One Year” and refers to a YouTube experiment where a channel existed and uploaded for only one year. Then they deleted it and all of its videos permanently. It was very cool.
At a park, a mom asks me “So… what does your sweater say?”
Cue info dump. I start explain the channel, and she goes “Ah” and I should’ve recognized that that was the nod of “I am not interested” but I just kept going.
Anyway I eventually scared her off completely and was pretty sure she thought my sweater was probably about Anal lol.
I’m also in this weird place where I keep thinking I’m bothering people. At church, lots of lovely moms will talk to me, and I’ll walk away, only to realize that I missed an opportunity to probably hang out or invite them to sit with us. I like… shut down conversations because I’m afraid I’ll go too long? Idk, it’s this mentality I have where I assume everyone wants space. But people out here are different. I’m this conflicting coin of being afraid to open up and bam, talk at people like an over excited puppy, so I run away.
The other day I info dumped on my neighbors about Venus flytraps because my 4 year old is super into them, and I throw myself knee deep into all of my kids’ interests lol. So now we have three Venus flytraps and I’m a walking talking encyclopedia of vomitting VFT knowledge. Thankfully my neighbors are very sweet, but oof, I feel for them lmao.
I’m like a golden retriever. I get excited and cannot shut up. I talk when I’m nervous, excited, happy, and even when I’m angry. The only time I shut up is when I’m sad.
I generally love myself, and I don’t hate that part of myself… but I’m beginning to realize that it’s not quite “age appropriate” if that makes sense. All the other women my age are more graceful, talk slower, share a little bit at a time, seem more… grown up.
I’ll vomit out every piece of information in between questions about them.
I have a hangout planned with a mom tomorrow from Church who seems so sweet and I’m a bit scared. I want to make friends. I just sometimes feel this sudden yawning crevice in front of me as I start talking and realize I’ve gone somewhere I’m not supposed to have and now I’m “weird”.
Edit: One of my favorite things my husband says whenever we all mention how I talk a lot is that he is glad to have me, as I can take all of the talking off of him so he doesn’t have to 🤣🤣 golden retriever married a cat hahaha. One of his cousins is the sweetest, most loving lady I’ve ever met, and she and I are two peas in a pod. We laugh because we both talk a lot. I have good people in my life, but I still sometimes feel so… different.