So my grandfather has basically been like a father in my life. At times when my dad was so depressed that he just…couldn't.
I live across the country from them (my nuclear & extended family) now but I'm visiting for a week. Our lives and relationships have been complicated. I'm so happy to see them and feel more whole and confident in myself than when I lived nearby full time.
Today I talked with my dad for hours. He dropped the news. My grandfather is starting to cognitively decline. Forgetting simple things. Not remembering what to do next in tasks he does daily. Sleeping really poorly. Just… Physically still there but mentally markedly different. He's 85. I know everyone gets old and dies. But. I'm 30 this year. This is the first grandparent I've spent so much of my life with now actively going through this stage.
I tried to comfort my dad. Tell him it's like his dad is becoming a child again, getting to relax after working so hard for all of us all those years. But it's hard. I can see my dad is torn up about it.
I just. tried to be strong too. It sucks. A lot.
My grandfather would always sing "swing low sweet chariot" and swing us in blankets, or by the arms when we were small. I would giggle so much. I just ugly cried driving to my Airbnb this evening listening to that song. I hate this stage of life. I hate that I feel and do and function better further away from all of them.
I think I'll come home around the holidays this year bc my sister said it's….bad. I'm seeing my grandparents tomorrow. Just. Phew.
Glad to rant. Condolences and thoughtful advice appreciated. Apologies if I didn't post right. First post. V sad.
Thank you.