this morning he asks me to take his keys from his pocket because hes holding our bags, asking me to unlock the car twice so all doors get unlocked, i rarely unlock his car so i put the key in the keyhole and it makes a noise to which i cant remember if that was the lock or unlock beep, i turn the key the other way and as i open it, he asks me if im slow. this may be something small and i shouldnt “overreact” but I TRULY fucking hate when he speaks to me like im some fucking stranger on the street. we will play games together and if i die he tells me try to use my brain for the next game, no he doesnt say this shit jokingly he is serious. one time i put him on speaker and still couldnt hear him due to the mic issues, he tells me to think outside the box and maybe put him off speaker phone and maybe that will help. Its like the small little way he says shit like am i in a alternative universe to where this isnt just pure fucking rude as fuck the way he speaks to me? And when i bring it up on how he talks to me, “so now i gotta baby talk the way i speak to you, its always the way i talk the way I say things etc etc” ITS PURE HUMAN DECENCY TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE IM A HUMAN YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOUR PARTNER WHY DO YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE IM SOME DUMB FUCK.
yes i know i need to leave. I know he may sound like a narcissist probably is. my first bf, the first man to ever show me love for what I am. (i am severely overweight and honestly not whatsoever attractive, years growing up with no attention or admiriation from the opposite sex, so of course i latch onto the first man that shows any interest in me.) ive truly trauma bonded with this man, broke up with him back in march and in april he was someone that i coulent even recognize, it was like a honeymoon phase of him, the small shit id get wrong wouldnt annoy him anymore, if i forgot something it was okay. He wouldnt lash out, oh but now? “Of course you forgot” “you can never seem to remember this and that” we will get into an argument and i “cut him off or talk over him” its “learn to act like a grown ass women” like looollll fuck me this relationship is draining me and i cant get myself to leave.
another reminder yes i know i need to leave him.
chicken enchiladas, verde sauce, black beans