Failed making butter biscuits for my daughter and I
So my husband and I dated for 6 years before we got married. I was 16 and he was 15 when we first started dating. I was 21 and he was 20 when we got married. The reason we got married is because I was pregnant and we basically were sort of forced by our parents to make this decision. He didn’t want to be married nor be a dad. For the past almost 2 years it been hell. He has is an alcoholic trying to learn to control himself. When he drinks he turns into a different person. Keep in mind I’m currently 8 months pregnant and have been pregnant since November of last year. I also have my daughter who was born last January. I’m currently a SAHM. He works a good job where he is able to work from home on days he desires, and last year he made about 115k before taxes. I was working as a realtor after I had our 1st born. He never liked the idea of my job because I was just starting and i wasn’t successful like the realtors on tv. He would tell me while sober im not good at it, he dosnt understand why I chose a job that dosnt pay, im bad at every career I chose (i was previously in nursing school but didnt like it so i decided to switch careers when i was 18). When he has been drunk he has told me he isnt attracted to me, im a terrible mother, he rather go drink then be with us, im a bitch, he dosnt like coming home and seeing me all lazy and would rather go look else where. He has choked me, pinned me to the wall while I was crying and holding our 1yr old. He was pulled my hair hair, punched holes on the wall, crashed our CARS more than 5 times this year. Last month he totaled his car and got a new one that same week just to go crash it again that weekend and loss it. He once was drinking by our fire pit in the backyard and he ended up burning part of yard. Earlier this year he was texting his female coworker and would call her beautiful and call her sexy. I went through his search history and found him goggling “phrases to tell your polish gf” he said it was nothing and dosnt remember why he googled it. He claims he doesn’t like her and he was just being nice and trying to keep conversation going. I know how she looks like because when he first started working with her, he looked her up on instagram and facebook. I can’t help but compare myself since I’m Latina and she’s polish. She’s the complete opposite of me. Shes in the middle of getting her 2nd divorce, had worked in the military, white skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair. Im pregnant again, brown skin, dark hair, and dark brown eyes. She’s able to take care of herself and i get shitted on if i spend anything on shopping.
I do my best with the little makeup and clothes I have. Nothing fits anymore. He has lied to me about being at work and in reality was out with his friends. He once went to work at 5am and told me he was working late. So I didn’t bother him too much but I was suspicious of him. By the time it was 9pm he hadn’t been home and he kept pushing me off. It turns out he got out at 3pm and went out drinking with his friends. I feel like I’ve lost all trust in him and I have dreams of him cheating. I tell him how I feel and he just says sorry and that’s it. I don’t get cuddles, reassurance, and once he gets home from work he always goes to sleep or plays on his phone. I’ve mentioned divorce and he gets upset about it. Since he crashed the cars last month he has been drinking less and said he was going to change. To stick it out with him one more time. I quit frankly feel like I have no option since I quit my job because he always was upset about it, I’m pregnant again and have no where to go with my 2 kids. I feel like part of me feels bad for wanting to leave, and part of me wants to leave. Like what if I never find anyone again and no one wants to be with someone who has 2 kids. I’m scared because I have nothing to give my kids. I feel like a failure . I’m physically tired and can’t ask him to even take out the trash without getting an additude back.