Papa John's cheese pizza that I will probably only take 2 bites of bc I'm too sad to have an appetite.
For context, I (28) met my boyfriend (24) 3 years ago online and I moved 7 hours away to live and start a life together. It was our first time getting out of our parents houses and building something together. Unfortunately some things happened and we got stuck living in a poor, podunk town that has sucked the life out of us because there is nothing to do or enrich our lives. Not only that but we both struggle with mental illness and have very low tolerances for stress. We have faced a lot of hardship in our few years together such as unemployment and struggling to pay rent. I was the main income source bc the job market sucks in this town and it took a toll on me mentally and financially therefore I became constantly stressed and distant. My bf has been very adamant about wanting to move into a better town and whole other state. We settled on a town in Indiana that interested the both of us but it is extremely difficult to relocate esp when we are barely surviving where we already live. This has taken a toll on our relationship and has exasperated our mental struggles. My boyfriend is now starting to doubt our relationship and has talked a lot more about "possibly going our seperate ways in the future" and "possibly not being right for each other" because neither of us are in our right minds mentally to help each other out of this rut we're in. Neither of us know what we want in life and have spoken this out loud many times. I have wondered the whole relationship if we truly are right for each other. We had a bit of a whirlwind romance in the beginning and we started getting attached to each other very early on. Problem is I am still extremely attached to him and can't imagine life without him now, even if we are struggling, I love him to death and he is such a huge part of my life. I forgot to mention we only have each other, we have zero friends in this town (yes, I know this is unhealthy asf). I asked him point blank if he wants to break up to just do it now to rip the bandaid off so I can start the healing process but he says he still wants to try and that we are going to check in with each other around the new year to see if we are on a good path and if we should continue. We rarely ever fight, we just become distant from each other when we are stressed. I will admit him and I don't have many shared interests which also makes things difficult. I just cannot fathom being without him, and having to move back home and be all alone and have to start over again. The thought is physically hurting me so bad. To top this all off, my Grandma who practically raised me is in the hospital with a very serious infection. My head is literally spinning with all of this and the fact I may lose the two most important people in my life at the same time.