tw for this entire post. Crumbl cookies from last week because im too sad to get up and get food right now. my best friend wished harm on another woman. I’m devastated. this has been my best friend for around a decade on and off. (we lost contact for a bit, but never had a serious falling out) Today he was venting about a woman that screwed him over. he told me he wants her to be beaten and SA’d. I told him immediately to stop. he knows I’m a survivor of repeated SA’s, one man specifically harmed me the worst. That man has caused me to develop worsened CPTSD and become terrified of men, untrustworthy of them, etc. he told me to stop texting him if him wishing SA on her bothered me. He then sent another message saying he wants to (jokingly) see if my rapist wants to SA her. I burst into tears. he knows so many details of my trauma. a man I considered my best friend. looking back, there were signs he did not respect women, but he has never said anything like he said today. the way he views women really became clear with the way he comments on things my partner does for me or how he acts with me. It’s almost as if he became worse when I got into a relationship. I genuinely don’t even know what to say. my best friend since high school, and really, one of my only close friends since I’m chronically ill and unable to leave the house often. this man did so much for me over the years. I slept over his house when I had nowhere else to stay. just for him to turn out like this.
I also checked his most recent social media posts & he’s going hard defending that UFC fighter who r*ped a woman so violently she had to have her tampon surgically removed. I am SO beyond disgusted. his public comments surrounding SA, calling women dumb, etc. I feel sick. even our mutual friends are in disbelief. I overlooked so many red flags & am blaming myself. I just feel so sick. around ten years of friendship completely down the drain. I will never be able to look past this. I didn’t reply to his messages after he brought up my abusers name. I just went silent. he told our mutual friend that I’m angry at him, obviously not caring how he hurt me.
also side note: he chose to do this to me two days after my brother relapsed. not like any time would make it acceptable, but wow. im just so appalled.